Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
