Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
