we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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