Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
