Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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