is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
