Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
