when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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