it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
