Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
