OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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