6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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