I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
