i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
