i was born a porn star she said
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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