I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
