That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
