Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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