i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
