I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
