So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
