Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
soo... how was my night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
