you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
