Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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