You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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