We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
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If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
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But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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