I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
