Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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