i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You are a genius and a whore.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
