Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the high leading the old right now
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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