In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
