Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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