so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
