I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
