I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
