How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Mom said you looked used
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
