My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
