Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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