i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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