You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
