I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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