I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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