You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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