So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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