Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
