I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
