you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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