No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
