you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
