Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
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Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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