How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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