I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My balls are so social today.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
