I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
