don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
