i need an iv and a liver transplant
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
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