New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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