were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
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I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
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Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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