You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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