They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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