i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
