But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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