My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We need to get me chipped asap
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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