so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
