the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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