Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
