Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
