I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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