i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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